Everything will be back to normal - but what am I on about? Everything is normal! I just forgot, for one insane moment, that Maya was my sister.
As a light begins to intensify, so does my misery, and I wonder how it is possible to hurt so much when nothing is wrong.
I close my eyes and feel the coil of watch it explode like the sun. So this is it, this is what it feels like after long hard struggle - to lose the battle and finally go crazy.
I close my eyes because I just can’t think about that now. I can’t let myself think about what it means. I won’t think about what it’s called. I refuse to let labels from the outside world spoil the happiest day of my life. The day I kissed the boy I had always held in my dreams but never allowed myself to see. The day I finally ceased lying to myself, ceased pretending it was just one kind of love I felt for him when in reality it was every kind of love possible. The day we finally broke free of our restraints and gave way to the feeling we had so long denied just because we happened to be brother and sister.
But the downside to that taste of pure happiness is that, like a drug, a glimmer of paradise, it leaves you craving more. And after that moment, nothing can ever the same again. Everything greys in comparison. The world becomes bland and vacuous there seems little point to anything any more.
At what point do you give up – decide enough is enough? There is only one answer really. Never.
And suddenly I do know: it's becouse everything is so beautiful, so wonderful, so utterly glorious - yet it cannot possibly last, and I want to preserve this moment for the rest of my life.
How to explain that Lochan has never felt like a brother but like something far, far closer than that - a soul mate, a best friend, part of the very fibre of my being? How to explain that this situation, the love we feel for one another - everything that to other may seem sick and twisted disgusting - to us feel completely natural and wonderful and oh - so, so right?